So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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