what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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