i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
