I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
