When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
