i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
