so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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