i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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