I think I won the penis lottery.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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