I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
