atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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