The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
