im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
