It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
