I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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