Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
