Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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