how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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