I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
