Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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