and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
