i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You pole danced in your parka.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
