Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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