You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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