holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
