just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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