Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
