and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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