i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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