She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize