So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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