I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
