His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
