Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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