Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
