In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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