Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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