I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
