Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
