lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
