ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
