you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
