Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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