anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
