I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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