I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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