They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
