What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
