if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
