Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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