These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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