Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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