I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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