What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
