hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
