Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
