my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
