I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize