she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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