so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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