I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
