He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize