forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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