i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
