Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
