Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
