How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
