"it" just moved
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
