we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
