It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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