if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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