maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
