I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize