Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
