A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
