There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
