I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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