I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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