By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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