I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
