I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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