took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
