So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
