Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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