True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
