new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
