I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need moral support for this bender
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize