I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
