I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
