I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
