She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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